OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
