She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
