We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize