Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
