so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
