Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
