Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
