that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
