I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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