Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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