there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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