In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
