I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the condom got lost in my hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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