Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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