god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
