Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize