i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
