Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry MaryCuntrary hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again

Fav 7 1391 3276
share tweet
(925): View more from California

anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.

Fav 21 5584 1172
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(856): View more from New Jersey

I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.

Fav 4 3543 1093
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

Fav 18 5383 1031
share tweet
(862): View more from New Jersey

Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.

Fav 16 2887 1165
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.

Fav 6 1424 876
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(309): View more from Illinois

adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing

Fav 5 1149 689
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(208): View more from Idaho

He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive

Fav 1 586 314
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.

Fav 0 170 17
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT