my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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