I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
