my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
