Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
