I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
