well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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