why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
