4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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