she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
