I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
