She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
