My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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