dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
