I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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