I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
