i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
