for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
