Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
