His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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