Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
