i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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