so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
