Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
