A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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