is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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