Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize