We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
