just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
