Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
