Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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