someone owes me an orgasm
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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