it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
