By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
