More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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