i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
