There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
