I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
