He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
