I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
