I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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