I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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