Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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