fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
