I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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