The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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