tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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