Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
